'The last thing you feel is the self-disgust'. The role of self-directed disgust in men who have attempted suicide: A grounded theory study.

OBJECTIVE

Globally, suicide affects more men than women. Emotional pain underpins many theoretical accounts of suicidality, yet little is known about the role of disgust in suicide. Self-directed disgust, whereby aspects of the self-serve as an object of disgust, has been hypothesised to factor in suicide. This research aimed to explore the processes which link self-disgust to attempted suicide in males.

METHOD: Nine men who had attempted suicide completed semi-structured interviews. The interview data were analysed using a constructivist grounded theory methodology.

RESULTS

Three concepts emerged out of the analysis: (1) self-disgust; (2) worthlessness; and (3) the endured emotional distress of 'the abyss'" - these concepts interweaved, leading the men to experience hopelessness, disconnection and an inability to cope, leading ultimately to their suicide attempt. Throughout this journey, various disgust-related processes worsened men's distress and increased their suicidal risk. Historic adversities prevailed across the data, as did the men's difficulties in understanding their emotions.

CONCLUSION

Self-disgust was an important emotion in the men's experiences of suicide and shaped their views of themselves and their lives. The distancing and repellent properties of self-disgust, in addition to the fear of having their 'disgustingness' exposed, increased suicidal risk. Self-disgust appeared more pervasive in the suicidality of men with a history of multiple childhood adversities. The limitations of this research are discussed as implications for clinical practice and directions for future research.